Mining Our Emotions

My daughter Elsa goes to school at Mount de Sales Academy, which is located in Catonsville, the western side of the Baltimore Beltway. Driving the Baltimore Beltway can be extremely frustrating and nerve wracking especially during commuting hours. Our willingness to drive to the school when there are a few schools much closer to our home testifies to the solid education and culture at Mount de Sales. The school’s distance is made bearable by the quality experience our daughter receives and that we have a carpool with a few other families. Most mornings, I drive Elsa to a location near Nativity and my gym. I can drop her off and then hit the gym or go to work. As part of the carpool, of course, it is sometimes my turn to drive. On those days, I will drop my daughter and the other girls at the school and hit a Chick Fil A nearby. I find I need a break from the Beltway and I like to write in the morning. The Chick Fil A gives me a chance to grab breakfast and get some work done for a couple hours.

Recently, I went into the Chick Fil A and grabbed a table where there was no one around. There’s a gentleman whom I have seen a few times who comes into the restaurant. He might be homeless. He might have some mental challenges. I’m not quite sure. Either way, my heart breaks for him a little. Or when I see him, I have some compassion for him. I have compassion even though he came and sat in my section of the restaurant and started playing the audio of his phone out loud. As a result, I could not concentrate on writing. I had to move to another section of the restaurant so I could focus. I was a bit annoyed but my compassion for the man was greater than my annoyance.

About fifteen minutes after moving, another guy comes into the restaurant and sits down in my section. He begins to play audio that is not only distracting but it is even louder and more annoying. And I have to admit, unlike my thoughts toward the other gentleman, I didn’t feel compassion. He was a guy about my age and in my demographic. I felt much more annoyance and a bit of anger. Probably because I felt like the guy should have known better.

For a few minutes, I tried to ignore it, but after a bit, I turned around to him and said, “Would you mind putting on some headphones?” To which he responded, “It’s not a library; it’s a public place.” I responded, “Right, it’s a public place, so please put on headphones.” Again, he responded, a bit more animated, “It’s not a library.” Now, I am fuming. And I am trying to think of some brilliant retort, but all I can think to say is, “Would you like to step outside?”

Then, of course, I’m thinking that it probably wouldn’t be good for a church worker to get in a fight outside a Chick Fil A because he couldn’t focus his attention on writing about God’s great love for us. So, I try to go back to my writing. And literally the verse I’m working on is, “Hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.” (Romans 5:6) And I’m trying to focus on Scripture, but instead what I am thinking, “I’d like to pour out something on this guy, but it’s not God’s love.” I’m so angry I can’t focus.

Finally, the guy leaves, and I cool down and am able to get back to work. After the event, I tried to process what God was teaching me in that moment. St. Ignatius of Loyola encourages us to reflect on intense emotional experiences because God is in those moments and wants to teach us his ways.

As I write this, I realize I have more to mine from this experience. I know this connects deeply into my own personal story. In middle school, I was bullied often, and as someone who just wants peace, I would put up with being bullied if it passed. Eventually, I learned that you need to stand up to bullies. In that moment at Chick Fil A, I felt I was being bullied, and so that roused those emotions in me.

Second, I thought it was interesting that I had a very different response to a very similar situation, but with two very different men. One guy brought the emotional reaction of compassion or pity. The other made me angry. Some people we naturally have kinder feelings toward than others. Some people we just find it easier to feel compassion toward. When that is the case, we can cultivate those feelings in our heart so that we will act with compassion. Several times the Gospels tell us that Jesus would see someone in need and then act on their behalf, usually by healing them.

Third lesson, it shows me the gap I have between my character and Jesus’ teachings. He said love your enemies. In the moment, I could have turned and prayed for my enemy. I could have asked God to bless the gentleman, and that he would know that the love of Jesus Christ had been poured into his life. Maybe if he knew God’s love, he wouldn’t be such a jerk. I can still pray for him. I haven’t yet, but this blog might motivate me to do so.

What has been an intense emotional experience you have had recently? What about your story helps you to make sense of it? What might God be showing you through those intense emotions? How can you grow? God uses our everyday experiences to grow our faith. As spiritual leaders, the more we mine these experiences the better we will be able to lead others to become fully devoted followers of Christ. As we use our experiences to better follow Jesus, we will have greater moral authority to say, like Paul, “Follow me as I follow Christ.”

Rooting for you,
Tom