Trust vs Suspicion

I’ve been thinking about trust versus suspicion lately. The topic has been on my mind because I think suspicion has gotten into one of my key relationships. I lost the trust of someone because of a lack of communication on my part. 

Trust is the foundation for any relationship. Trust in a relationship, especially within a business or organizational setting, is based on four key factors. 

One is character. We trust someone whom we believe to be a person of honesty, integrity, and courage. Honesty means a person tells the truth, does not lie to us, and is transparent with us. Integrity means they are whole, that their different parts come together in a consistent way. Courage requires a willingness to do the right thing even in the face of fear or when it might cost us. 

The second foundation for trust is competence. We can’t trust someone who just doesn’t have the ability to get something done. Trust gets built when someone does their job well over and over again. This kind of trust is a little more situational. For example, Father Michael trusts my character but he doesn’t trust my opinion on how things look physically. It is just not part of my skillset. He does trust me with writing and communication. As leaders, we should position people in an area of their competence. It is such a beautiful thing as a leader when you can delegate a responsibility and know that the person will get it done. 

The third foundation of trust is chemistry and the personal relationship. We trust people we get along with. We trust people that we like and believe like us. Trust builds when we believe someone cares for us, is for us, and notices what makes us unique. 

The fourth foundation of trust is culture or shared values. We trust people whose values align with ours. We distrust people who don’t share our values. This is why it is important for your parish or organization to define its values and clearly communicate them to staff and prospective staff. 

Character, competency, chemistry, and culture/shared values each build trust. All four are essential to trusting working relationships. All four are fragile. It simply isn’t possible to get an “A” or get high marks in all those areas all the time. Every single one of us has flaws in our character. None of us carries competencies in every area of life. Chemistry can wane and sometimes we get self-centered. No two people have exactly the same values or see the same value exactly the same way all the time. 

This is where trust vs. suspicion comes in. The phrase comes from Andy Stanley. He notes the obvious point that in healthy staff cultures and relationships, when there is a gap, people choose trust over suspicion. He also notes that when suspicion starts to creep in, good leaders fill the gap with communication. This cuts both ways. For example, if I recognize I didn’t do something Father Michael asked me to do, I don’t hide it and hope he forgets. Instead, I go and fill the gap with communication. It is amazing how much a difference that makes. 

On the other hand, if Father Michael doesn’t do something he said he was going to do, then as a good team player I have one of two options: I can choose to trust or choose to fill in the gaps.  Perhaps he had a good reason he didn’t do something. If that becomes too untenable, then I will go and talk to him about the situation. 

Simple right? And yet because of our fallen human nature, it is not easy. We fill in suspicion to those four areas all the time. And as I write, I am challenged by it. I used to think I was a very trusting person, but the more I have reflected on my leadership, I have learned I have to fight suspicion over and over and over again. I have to choose to trust or choose to have conversations with people to fill in the gaps. (And I fail often.) Quite honestly, I think leadership makes us susceptible to suspicion. Leadership challenges your trust of other people because there is so much you don’t see that happens in the organization. Also, the Enemy knows the best way to destroy a team and a ministry staff is by creating a culture of suspicion. 

What working relationship do you have where you can feel suspicion creeping in? 

If you know you are falling short or something is not going as planned, bring it up. Simple and clear communication is so powerful. Simon Pyles, who leads our worship, has been struggling with his voice due to a cold and some other medical issues. He has missed a bunch of weeks. He was aware enough to know that suspicion might be creeping in. He called a meeting to update us and has kept us abreast of what is happening. That is great leadership and being a great team player. 

If you feel something or someone else slipping, bring it up. Get it out on the table in a non-judgmental way. Getting it out on the table will help build the relationship and a healthy team culture. 

Rooting for you, 
Tom 

P.S. To watch Andy Stanley’s complete talk, go to https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rJxEa0rlWlc