Self-Defeating Habits

I am about twenty to twenty-five pounds over-weight. And I feel it. The worst part, or frustrating part, is that I work out hard. I exercise at least 5 times a week, and my workouts aren’t just hopping on an elliptical machine. Most times, I am drenched in sweat by the end.

Despite my hard work, I am over weight because I eat too much. My appetite and eating habits work against the hard work I do in the gym.

To get results in parish work or any area of life requires hard work. There is just no getting around it. Quite frankly, some priests and parish leaders don’t work hard enough. They don’t put in the hours, the energy and the effort it takes to grow a healthy parish ministry. And quite frankly, we can all fall into laziness at times.

The book of Proverbs offers several warnings against laziness. And if we are not getting results in an area, we should examine if it is a lack of effort on our part or others. Here are a few ways to check if laziness is the problem:

The soul of the sluggard craves and gets nothing, while the soul of the diligent is richly supplied. (Proverbs 13:4) 

If we are craving results but not getting any, than it is possible we have not been diligent in our work or made put it a priority on our schedule. For example, if you want to be a good preacher or communicator and see results you have to be diligent in your practice.

 Whoever is slack in his work is a brother to him who destroys. (Proverbs 21:25) 

Not doing work we should be doing is very similar to destruction. We can avoid tough or challenging work by frittering away on social media or spending time in e-mail or doing other “easy” or non-deep work that does not move the needle. When we waste time in these areas, we are destroying our effectiveness.

In all labor there is profit, but mere talk tends only to loss. (Proverbs 14:23)

Talking about a problem or a plan is not the same as executing on our plans. We need to talk through ideas and plans, but so easily in Church world we can fall into meetings and meetings where all we do is talk and not put anything into action. If we are not getting results in an area, it might be because there is too much talking and not enough doing.

The sluggard says, ‘There is a lion in the street, a lion in the middle of the square. (Proverbs 26:13)

Sometimes, we start making excuses for why we should not act. We see all the potential dangers that can come from taking action. We see what can go wrong instead of seizing an opportunity and talk ourselves out of action again and again. It is wise to keep an eye out for this spirit that shoots down ideas for action simply because we don’t want to do the hard work.

Sometimes we can just get lazy, and we need to guard against that. Our self-defeating habits are usually a form of laziness and spiritual sloth. We get accustomed to doing things the way we like them. We keep bad habits because we don’t want to make the change and put in the effort to get rid of them. So we can deceive ourselves into thinking we are working hard and that that is enough. I deceive myself every time I over eat and undo the hard work I did in the gym. And I have to admit there is a certain laziness that I don’t want to change my self-defeating eating habits.

In parish work and ministry, I see a few patterns of self-defeating habits. They include:

• Doing fundraisers and raising up generous givers. It is self-defeating to tell people to give as an act of faith and then try to trick people out of money through bingo, carnivals, and other fundraising events.
• Doing fundraisers and building up small groups. It is self-defeating to do fundraisers, call them fellowship events, when real community and fellowship happens in small groups.
• Failing to delegate and building up volunteer ministry. We can’t say we want more volunteers and then do all the work ourselves, leaving them nothing to do.
• Not preparing a homily or practicing and then expecting people to come to Church. We can’t expect people to put energy and effort into coming to Mass if we, as parish leaders have not put work and preparation into our efforts.

So how do we overcome the self-defeating habits? I’m a fellow struggler with self-defeating habits. I haven’t cracked the code yet on how to stop working against myself with my bad eating habits. The first step is always to acknowledge and assess reality. We name the problem for what it is.

Second, we can humbly admit we need to grow and we need help. I have mentally made plans to change my habits, but I never follow through. I need help and support from others to make changes I just can’t make on my own. If you recognize you need help in changing your work habits or changing self-defeating systems in your parish, we are here to help with coaching. At Rebuilt, we offer both individual coaching and parish coaching to help you get rid of some of those self-defeating behaviors. You can check out more at www.rebuiltparish.com/coaching

Rooting for you,
Tom