On Bitterness

It’s interesting how a passage of Scripture can just grab you unexpectedly. Also, it is interesting how much the translation of a passage matters. Recently, as I read the daily Mass readings this phrase about Hannah jumped out at me:

“In her bitterness, she prayed to the Lord.” (1 Samuel 1:10)

I then went and looked at bible app to read a different translation to see what it said: “She was deeply distressed and prayed to the Lord, and wept bitterly.” If I had read that translation first, I would not have gained the same insight that had come to me. The bitterness in her heart would not have struck me.

I mention the above not to discuss bible translations but rather the reality of bitterness. “In her bitterness” jumped out at me because she used her bitterness as motivation to pray to the Lord. We often encourage others and ourselves to pray prayers of praise or gratitude, petition or thanksgiving. We don’t always think to pray prayer out of our bitterness or other negative emotions or spiritual states. Yet, that’s exactly the example Hannah gives us and one we see often played out in the psalms. They model bringing our bitterness, anger, and other emotional states to the Lord in prayer. That’s the best way to handle them.

Hannah’s bitterness came from disappointment and pain at not having children. On top of that heartbreak, her husband’s other wife (no comment) would mock her for not having children. Her situation changes when she deals with her bitterness and goes to the Lord in prayer. She begs for a child and God answers her prayer.

We all deal with bitterness and it can be so destructive. The book of Hebrews says,

“See to it that no one fail to obtain the grace of God; that no ‘root of bitterness’ spring up and cause trouble, and by it the many have been defiled.” (Hebrews 12:15)

Notice the second part of that verse says that many have been defiled. In other words, bitterness takes many people out. If we are not careful, we will become bitter. Maybe you have noticed this too; bitterness takes out many priests and church workers. Or many stay in parish work, but their bitterness negatively impacts their ministry and destroys their overall effectiveness.

Notice what the book of Hebrews gives as the cause of the bitterness. They failed “to obtain the grace of God.” Ministry offers tons of opportunities and reasons to become bitter. Without God’s grace and coming to God with our disappointments and frustrations, they will sour our souls.

Bitterness has two definitions. The definition that describes the physical senses is an “unpleasant or sharp taste.” The spiritual and emotional definition is “anger and disappointment at being treated unfairly; resentment.” I would add that it can also come from a perception of being treated unfairly. Sometimes we get bitter because we have been treated unfairly, but sometimes we get bitter because of the way life works. We sometimes resent the struggles and difficulties that flow from our choices.

As I was reading the passage about Hannah, I stopped to write down some of the reasons I have bitterness in my heart. I won’t go into full detail as they are each intensely personal, but I can give you some broad strokes:

One, I realized I carried bitterness and resentment toward someone who broke off a professional relationship without explanation or even the courtesy of a phone call. It was a relationship that I had sacrificed for and thought was based on mutual respect. The event by the way happened many years ago.

Second, I recalled an e-mail I had received the previous day detailing some work a former co-worker was doing in an area in which I want to have impact. I felt bitter because I believe I bring so much more value than he does and I have a real heart for that area; yet my attempts to influence that area have fallen flat. I felt bitterness that some of my professional aspirations had not come to pass.

Those are two. There were a lot more. You might be thinking, “Tom has a lot of bitterness in his heart.” I know. I was surprised myself. I’ve seen how bitterness takes people out and have long determined that would not be me. “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of God.” I’m spiritually poor. Without bringing my disappointments and frustrations to the Lord they will turn to bitterness. The same is true for you.

Life and leadership in the Church will disappoint us. Sometimes people won’t appreciate us. Sometimes our best efforts won’t work out. Sometimes teammates will let us down. Sometimes others will advance who are less talented than we are or we just don’t like. Sometimes our decisions bring inherent challenges.

Take a moment to jot down any bitterness in your own heart. Jot it down and then hand them over to God in prayer. If you feel intense emotion, you might want to go before Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament.

Let’s resolve to bring our bitterness to God in prayer. When we bring it to him in prayer, we exchange our bitterness for his blessing and grace.

Rooting for you,
Tom