Leadership Callouses

I have been learning guitar over the past eight years. Ironically, I picked it up because I thought it would be easier than golf. When you start playing guitar it hurts the tips of your fingers. Your skin is soft and after pushing down on the strings for a while, you feel the pain. As you keep playing, and if you play consistently, you develop callouses on your fingers. They build up and the skin gets tougher. Also, your hands start to crave the guitar. Unfortunately, I have lost that feeling as I have fallen out of regular practice, but for a while I just had to pick the guitar up. My fingers were itching for it. It was like the callouses on my hands begged to touch the strings.

In the same way, we need to develop leadership callouses. We need thick skin if we serve in a position of leadership. We have to develop thick skin because we will get criticized. Public speaking and teaching make us open to negative feedback.

We need thick skin for honest feedback and to deliver tough love. Recently, I had lunch with a business leader who had helped build a wildly successful business that was started by Steve Bisciotti, the owner of the Ravens. I asked him what he believed led to its success. He quickly summed up a simple business model and then added, “It was the culture. We had a culture where we were not afraid to challenge each other. We didn’t wait until an annual review to tell people where they had to get better. We shot straight with each other because we wanted to see each other grow and succeed.” The leaders had developed thick skin both to receive and to give challenging feedback. As a result, they built a great culture and a great company. I have to say I felt convicted as he was talking, especially about giving challenging feedback to others.

We need thick skin to make tough decisions. On the same day I had lunch with the business leader, I was blessed to have had breakfast with Terry Sawyer, President of Loyola University Maryland. For the health of the university, he had to prune and cut back on the staffing. He shared how challenging it was to make those decisions, knowing people whom he loved would eventually be let go. He said he received direct, helpful words from a fellow university president. She said, “Yes, it is because you care that it is so hard. If you didn’t care, it wouldn’t bother you.”

This is the paradox. We must develop leadership callouses without becoming calloused. When we call someone “calloused” we use it as a criticism for someone who has become hard-hearted and doesn’t connect with people. Leadership requires connection and to become calloused and aloof weakens us as leaders. However, if we don’t develop tough skin, criticism will eat us up. We will avoid candid conversations as well as the tough decisions that come with leadership. So, we have to develop callouses by receiving feedback, having challenging conversations, and making tough decisions.

One final word on this. Don’t try to do this all on your own. Here are two suggestions for not going alone. One, build a team around you. Ask for the help to develop thick skin. Second, get support from a coach. Coaching helps us to lean in and develop tougher skin. At Rebuilt, we would love to help you through our one-on-one coaching or our parish coaching. If you would like to learn more about coaching, you can e-mail Natalie at natalie@rebuiltparish.com

Rooting for you,
Tom