Four Competencies of Leadership: Embrace Interpersonal Leadership

Over the years, I’ve come to believe there are four major competencies to being a parish leader. So far, we have covered practicing self-leadership and performing the executive functions. In this blog we are looking at embracing interpersonal relationships.

Leadership ultimately means influencing people and helping them move from where they are to where God wants them to be. It might sound simplistic but to lead people, you have to lead people. This begins with some emotional intelligence. It is knowing yourself and how you come across to others. It is learning to be likable. One of my mentors was the late Mark Pacione. We met on a monthly basis and I remember him giving me the feedback that people seemed to like me. That statement confused me. As someone who likes to drive results and is a “get it done” kind of person, I didn’t understand why that mattered. But the reality is that few people will follow you and listen to you if they don’t like you, especially in a parish context because most of the people we lead are there voluntarily.

Another aspect of relational leadership that flows from emotional intelligence is being a 360-degree leader. This means we can lead up to those who have higher positional authority, lead our peers laterally and lead down, those who are underneath us on the org chart. Each of these relationships requires emotional intelligence on our part and an understanding of how we could and should relate to the people around us. For example, before challenging your superior, you absolutely want to ask permission and not just tell them what to do. For people under your authority, you want to create an environment where they feel they can give honest feedback.

Relational leadership also means building a leadership team and being a good team player. Good leaders build good teams and great ones build great teams. They work to get the right people on the right seats of the bus as Jim Collins says in his book Good to Great. This is probably the area where most church workers don’t spend enough time. When we start working with pastors in coaching, we often find that this is the number one priority they must set. They must either build their team or get the wrong people off their team.

I know I have failed to pay enough attention to it. I can tend to look at the executive functions I discussed in the last blog rather than building up our team. As important as it is to cast vision and set goals and strategy, none of it will be accomplished without a good team.

Delegation is another important aspect of relational leadership. Delegation requires a disposition to give away our work and the skills to make it happen. We first delegate our weaknesses as leaders. Recognize what you just can’t do well and give it away. For example, I am not a detail person so I need others to care about the details. Start with weaknesses but then learn to give away competencies as well. These are the things you can do but don’t add the most value to the organization. Ultimately, good delegation is not just about giving away tasks but giving away whole areas of authority. Delegate authority over projects and departments so that the organization can grow. Promote others so that they get to use their gifts and abilities for the good of the parish and so that they can flourish personally.

Next to last on our list of skills is finding wise counsel. The Book of Proverbs illustrates over and over again the importance of getting wisdom from the right people:

• Where there is no counsel, the people fall, but in the multitude of counselors there is safety. (Proverbs 11:14)
• Without counsel plans go wrong, but with many advisors they succeed. (Proverbs 15:22)
• By wise guidance you can wage war, and in abundance of counselors there is victory. (Proverbs 24:6)

The quotes from Proverbs remind us that we need an abundance of counselors. We are to look for more than just one wise mentor, and also for many different viewpoints. Wise counselors help us to avoid failures and to achieve victory and success. One of the great opportunities of parish work is the rich knowledge and wisdom sitting in the pews. Learn to build relationships with people who have been wise in their careers, their families, and their leadership. Build relationships with them; learn from them and grow as a leader.

Finally, interpersonal leadership is ultimately about people. We need to care for their overall well-being and communicate that we are for them. We don’t bring people onto our team just to use them up and build up our churches or make our lives easier. (Unfortunately, that happens all too often in parish life.) We bring people onto our staff, our team, our ministry efforts because we want them to flourish. We want them to grow closer to God as a result of their ministry and we genuinely love them and are for them as a whole person.

I’ll admit I probably get an “A” in wanting to see people flourish at work and a “C” or “D” in flourishing at home. What I mean is that in the deepest part of my heart I hope people who serve at Rebuilt and at Nativity as staff and volunteers feel fulfilled by their work and that it is bringing them closer to Christ. I hope they are coming to live out Ephesians 2:10, where Paul says, “For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works which he prepared in advance that we might walk in them.” I love it when I hear people are doing what God created them to do. But while I want people to have fulfilling lives at home and to get rest and to connect with God and family, I don’t always take much of an interest in that. It is definitely a growth opportunity for me.

Take a moment to rank yourself in your interpersonal leadership skills.

• Emotional intelligence
• 360-degree leader
• Delegation
• Finding wise counsel
• Being there for people

Where are you strong and where can you grow?

Rooting for you,
Tom