Do For One What You Wish You Could Do For Everyone

Working in a parish, we are exposed to and experience so much of the pain and heartache that is part of the human condition. People come to us in times of grief at the loss of their loved ones. They come to us when their marriages are falling apart. They rightly seek hope from their church when their kids have gone astray or they are confused about what is going on in their lives.

As a church we want to provide pastoral care and support. We have a heart for people and yet the needs of people are deep and wide. And, quite honestly, some people can drain massive amounts of our time out of their neediness. If you have worked in a parish for any length of time, you have probably spent hours and hours trying to help someone who couldn’t really be helped. We could spend all our time on pastoral care and miss out on the other parts of our mission. Pastoral care is part of our mission, but not the whole part. This is why to succeed in parish leadership we must be intentional about how we provide care for people. As an aside, at Nativity we often use the term “member care” because we discovered most people in our pews had no idea what we meant by “pastoral care.”

Below are three big ideas to help you be intentional about how you provide care for the people in your pews, so that you meet people’s needs and go forward with the mission.

Leverage small groups

Overall, we advocate that parishes build up a small group ministry for the individual support of their members. Small group discussions help people fulfill Paul’s instruction in Galatians “to bear one another’s burdens.” If you have a heart for people and want to help them, take time to build up a small group ministry in your parish. You will significantly multiply the care and support you can give the people in your community.

The Body of Christ is meant to care for one another. Members of the body care for one another when they sit around in a circle and share their lives. The regular practice keeps small problems from growing into big ones. Going around and asking for prayer requests allows members to unload what is on their hearts. Having an opportunity to simply share challenges keeps them from weighing us down too much. Small groups build bonds and relationships so when a crisis or major challenge hits, there are people in the parish who can surround a parishioner with help in a more personal and direct way that the church staff cannot.

Systematize some strategic ministries

Along with small groups at Nativity, we have other care resources for members of our parish. We have a program called Grief Chat that walks with people after the death of their loved one. Over the last few years, we began a Stephen’s Ministry. It is a program that trains volunteers from the parish to walk one-on-one with people over the course of a year. The strength of the Stephen’s program is that it has flexibility through various problems. As an aside, I wouldn’t recommend a parish start a Stephen’s Ministry program until it has built up a strong and solid small groups ministry.

Some churches set up ministries that help people through marriage crisis or unemployment. The point here is to be strategic in the ministries you establish and how they work together. Many parishes suffer from a proliferation of ministries to meet every kind of need. This winds up creating silos and inefficiencies that keep us from having greater impact. Be very slow to start a new ministry for pastoral care and don’t start it until you know how it fits into your overall member care plan.

Do for one what you wish you could do for everyone.

We learned this phrase from Andy Stanley at North Point. While small groups and some other intentional ministries maximize our ability to care for people, it doesn’t mean church staff exclude themselves from the work. The maxim above reminds us that we can’t logistically meet the needs of everyone in our parish, but we can make a difference in one person’s life. Knowing people’s challenges and struggles keeps us grounded and connected to people’s needs.

When someone comes to me for help, I share a few thoughts with them. I tell them they need a network of people and I am happy to be a part of the network. If the person is not in a small group, then I will challenge them to get in a group. I suggest a professional counselor be a part of the network and remind the person I am not one. I am a spiritual friend who will listen and try to help the person listen to what God is doing in the situation and saying to them.

Recently, I met with someone going through some pain and struggles. At one point he said, “I just want to get through it.” This hit home because I am going through some challenges and my attitude has been the same. Yet, I counseled, “That’s natural but don’t make your goal to just get through it. Be humble enough to ask God what he is trying to teach you and the growth in your character he wants for you in this season.” We often give advice to others that we ourselves need to hear.

We minister and serve others out of our own brokenness. When we are willing to meet with others in their struggles, that’s often where God meets us.

Rooting for you,
Tom